read Part 1 here
He hadn’t wanted to leave her. But things happened. Things out of his control. So completely out of his control, they had destroyed everything.
He missed her.
Every night or day when he left her, he ached. Ached to have her by his side. The only time he felt any peace was when she was by his side.
She fit so perfectly.
He had been surprised that first evening at the bookstore, when she knelt at his feet, leaning into him. He wasn’t even sure if she knew what she was doing. What it meant. What it meant to him. Later on as they spent more time together, he saw how naturally she fit. How naturally she did things that she most likely wasn’t even aware she did. That brought him pleasure. That fed his dominant personality. That made him feel whole.
Kneeling at his feet had been a major sign to him of just who she was. From the time she had walked into the restaurant he watched her every move, every response. How she relaxed when he ordered her meal for her. How she responded to the questions he asked about her. He was careful while at the same time, challenging her with his dominance. He was pleasantly surprised how easily she seemed to accept it. How easily she never questioned it. It was almost as if she soaked it up like a desert soaks up water.
Then she had knelt at his feet, relaxing against him. Not many people surprised him. She had surprised him. It took him a moment to realize and absorb just how her action affected him. He felt his lust stir, his manhood swell, and a pressure in his chest he didn’t quite understand. For the first time in his life he felt hope blossom. Hope that maybe he had finally found a woman who would fit in his life. Whose life might actually fit together with his.
He was careful. Knew he had to be careful. From the moment he had first seen her at the chiropractor’s office, he knew he would have to take things slow. It became more obvious as they spent time together that she had never been with a dominant man. He didn’t hide his dominance. Not at all. In fact, he made sure she was well aware of his dominance. He never asked. He also didn’t demand, at least not in a way that was threatening. He would never do that to anyone, let alone a woman. He just made sure the tone of his voice, left her with room to maneuver. Room to choose him or not to choose him. That if she said no, it would end. It was that simple.
He also knew that one “no” would not end it completely. He would go back. He would find another way. She had intrigued him from the moment he had started to walk out the door of the chiropractor’s office and turned to look at her. How she had unwaveringly met his eyes and firmly kept eye contact until he chose to turn and walk out the door. Most women were not able to maintain eye contact with him when he looked at them so intently.
Every step he took with her was with intent. An intent to move her deeper into gifting him with her total submission. Leaving her, walking away each day or night, was the hardest thing he did. But he knew it was necessary. He had to give her time to think over what happened between them when they were together. He wanted her to know for sure. To desire what they had twenty-four by seven. To see for herself that he could and did provide her with everything she needed, everything that fed the tortured woman inside of her.
He saw the tortured woman. He saw her need. Her need was his need. He wanted to protect her. He wanted to show her she was cherished. He wanted to show her how good they were together and as long as they were together neither of them would need anything or anyone else.
His plan was to never leave her alone for more than one night. To come back every single day or evening, and each day or evening explore the depths of her, of her needs, her desires, of all her different facets including the tortured woman.
He saw the masque she wore. But he also saw the woman beneath the masque. Bit by bit without her realizing it, he was peeling back her masque, revealing the woman beneath. He had been so close to breaking through, gaining her trust, when suddenly fate intervened and threw him the curve ball of his life.
He had been on his way to her house. He had been planning to make this the first night he would stay with her all night. He had an overnight bag in his truck. When the whole world suddenly spun out of control. It wasn’t just an accident. It was a multiple vehicle accident and he had been thrown into the midst of the worst of it.
After the fact, he had heard several people had died and they had expected him to be one of them. His body had been severely damaged by the accident. He had been unconscious. In fact, he had been in a coma. His body healing around him, while the trauma to his brain kept him unaware. When he finally woke, he had no perception of time having passed. He hadn’t been concerned right away because he had been sure only a few hours had passed. It wasn’t until the next day the doctors had finally informed him that he had been in a coma for months.
He was in shock. His first thought was to call her immediately. Then he realized she most likely thought he had abandoned her. He wanted to contact her but for the first time in his life he was scared. Scared she had moved on. Scared she hated him and wouldn’t listen, wouldn’t want to hear what had happened. He also didn’t know everything about his condition.
He shook off his fear. He was a methodical person. So, he contacted the nurse and asked her to set up a meeting with his doctor. He needed to know the full extent of his injuries and his recovery. Once he gathered that information, then he would decide what his next steps would be. In the meantime, he contacted a friend of his who performed background checks for potential employees. He gave him the address he had on her, gave him a description and asked him to find out what he could on her.
The meeting with his doctor went well. His injuries had healed while he was in a coma. There appeared to be very little damage done from the head injury that had put him in a coma. They wanted to do a bit more testing just to be sure, but they were more than just optimistic about his recovery from the coma. From all perspectives it looked as though he came through the accident with only scars and weakness in his muscles from being in a coma for several months. Physical therapy would alleviate the weakness, how soon would depend upon how hard he worked at building his strength back up.
A couple days later after a very tough physical therapy session, his friend came in to talk to him about what he had found out about her so far.
His friend handed him a folder. He looked questioningly at him. “Look inside. I wanted to make sure I was investigating the right woman, so I took some pictures. The description you gave me matches to a degree but there are differences so I wasn’t sure. Take a look and let me know if this is her.”
He hadn’t been able to tell his friend her name. They had never exchanged names. It was strange how they had been able to spend time together, become so intimate and not once know each other’s names. In a way, it was arousing, exciting to be with someone, to be intimate and not know something as simple as their name and yet to learn so many other things about them.
He opened the folder. The first picture he saw, he knew it was her. He had no doubt. But he couldn’t look away. Looking at it was like being punched in the stomach. He flipped through the other pictures, hoping what he saw was only just an oddity of the one picture maybe just catching her at a weird moment. After the fifth picture he could no longer deny what he saw. It wasn’t just the fact she had lost weight. Or that her hair looked to be neglected. Or even that her clothes no longer fit her and she hadn’t purchased new to fit properly. It was as if all the color had drained out of her, all the life had fled, she was like a ghost walking in every picture not even bothering to do what ghosts do, haunt those around them. But she now haunted him.
He looked up at his friend. “It’s her. Dear god it is her.”
“I was afraid you would say that.”
“I need you to get me out of here. You have to take me to her.”
“You need to think about this. If what you told me is true about what happened between the two of you, do you know what suddenly seeing you would do to her? It might put her over the edge. From what I could see in my observation of her, she is teetering on a very fine ledge. If you aren’t careful, you might push her over.”
“I have to see her. If this is because of me disappearing from her life, she needs to know I didn’t do it on purpose. That what happened was an accident. That I would never have left her otherwise.”
“Okay, man, okay. What did the doctor say about you getting out of the hospital?”
“He was considering it in a couple days. But I think only because I would be going home by myself. If I tell him I’ll be staying with someone he might be okay with me leaving. He will be okay. Even if he isn’t, I’m not staying here.”
He called in the nurse and told her to get the doctor here immediately.
Within an hour his doctor came in the room. By this time his friend had gone to his place and gotten him a change of clothes. He was in the process of putting them on when his doctor came in the room.
“Where do you think you are going?”
“I need to leave. I need you to release me.”
“I’m not comfortable with that right now. Maybe in a couple days.”
“I can’t. I won’t wait a couple days. If it makes you feel better I’ll be staying with someone. Someone will be around if I should need help. But even if you aren’t I’m still leaving.”
“Okay. I’ll agree to discharge you but you have to agree to continue the physical therapy and come back to see me for the next couple days.”
“Fine. Do it.”
Within the hour, they were wheeling him out of the hospital. He didn’t have the strength needed to walk, at least not more than a few steps at a time, so he agreed to the wheelchair so he would conserve his energy for what was coming. He climbed into his friend’s truck disgusted with how weak he was. Just getting dressed and getting out of the hospital had sapped his strength. He was shaking like a leaf.
They stopped along the way and picked up a wheelchair.
“How do you want to handle this?”
“Just get me to her house and to her front door. I’ll take it from there.”
When they arrived at her house, his friend tried to get him into the wheelchair but he refused. He would face her on his feet. No matter how hard it was, he would not let her see him for the first time since he disappeared in a wheelchair. He wouldn’t pray on her sympathies and he wouldn’t try to get to her by having her feel sorry for him. He had been stupid to not make sure she knew how to find him, or someone would know to contact her. He had let her down. He had failed her. It was his fault. He had no doubt the reason she was in the condition she was in was due to his sudden and unexplained disappearance. He didn’t know her past but he had seen the injured, tortured person beneath her masque and he should have made sure she was protected. And he hadn’t. He deserved everything she threw at him and he wanted her to believe he was strong enough to take it.
“Just get me to the door and leave me.”
“Man, I’m not leaving you.”
“Just make sure you give us some privacy. Stay if you must but, stay in the truck. I need to see her alone.”
“At least get in the wheelchair.”
“No. Not until I talk to her. I won’t use her soft heart to undermine what this has done to her. Just get me to the door.”
His friend helped him to the door and then walked back to his truck and got in, then waited.
He took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. Seeing movement through the frosted glass he stood up to his full height, building a façade of someone strong and healthy, not letting any sign of his weakness through the façade.
The door opened only part way, so she could peaked around the edge to see who was on her doorstep. When she finally saw his face, she gasped. The door shook and he saw her stumble. Quickly reaching through the gap in the door he grasped her arm trying to help steady her and in doing so he almost stumbled. Almost ended up on his knees. Though he thought it might be fitting under the circumstances, he worked hard at staying on his feet. He kept his footing.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you. I need to speak to you. Can I come in?”
She looked at him. She had thought she had been through shedding all the tears but to her detriment she felt them start to flow down her cheeks unhindered. She couldn’t find her voice. Her whole body was shaking, vibrating with the surge of emotions assaulting her. It couldn’t be him. She had given up ever seeing him. She had finally asked the receptionist at the chiropractor’s office about him. Though, the receptionist couldn’t give her his name, she had taken pity on her and told her she hadn’t seen him in several months and none of her calls had been returned. It seemed he had disappeared completely. Until now. Now he stood on her doorstep.
Even in her confusion, she sensed there was something different. Other than the time he had asked her if she would like his company that first day, he had never asked her permission for anything. He had always just done what he wanted to do. Looking at him too she could see changes in his body. He had lost weight. She had always wanted to know why he had disappeared. Now was her chance.
Before she could even move or even tell him to come in, he was already walking towards her. He looked stiff and awkward. He still had hold of her arm where he had tried to steady her. Even his grasp was different. Not so sure. Not so strong.
He saw her look up at him, puzzled. He continued walking towards her slowly. Concentrating fully on each step. Taking his time. He tried to make it look like he was doing so to keep from frightening her but he could tell he wasn’t completely fooling her. She allowed him to open the door further and step inside. Once he did, she closed the door, noticing another man sat out in the truck in her driveway, watching. She didn’t ask, she just made note of just another thing that appeared off.
He never released her arm and together they walked quietly into her living room which was just inside the entry. He guided her to the sofa and he sat.
She watched as his eyes went wide when she sat at his feet, leaning against his leg which for some reason felt fragile to her.
He couldn’t believe she took up her usual place at his feet, as if no time had passed. As if nothing had gone horribly wrong and she wasn’t sitting like a ghost at his feet. He felt tears pool in his eyes just from looking at her as she looked up at him. He saw no hatred, only questions. But he also no longer saw the love and trust he had once seen in her eyes.
He reached out with a shaking hand, no longer caring if she saw his weakness and brushed her hair behind her ear then slowly traced her jaw with a single finger until he reached her lips.
“I’m so sorry.” His hand cupped her cheek as he brushed the tears away with his thumb. She rubbed her cheek against his hand as he felt a tear slide down his cheek.
“I’m so sorry for what has happened. I never meant to leave you alone. Not for one day, not even for another night.”
“Why did you then? What happened?”
“I was on my way to you. I had everything ready everything planned for a wonderful night together with you. I was so looking forward to waking up with you in my arms in the morning. It was all I could think about. When suddenly everything on the highway went crazy. All I saw were vehicles losing control and suddenly slamming into each other. I was in the middle of it all with no way out, when my world went black.”
“But it’s been months, where have you been?”
“I was in a coma. I didn’t wake up until a couple days ago. I didn’t know how much time had passed until the day after I woke up. When I heard, all I could think about was finding you. Finding out where you were. How you were doing. My friend in the truck helped me to find out. He had pictures of you. I could tell you weren’t well. The doctor didn’t want to let me out but I wouldn’t stay there another day without talking to you. Without telling you what happened. Can you forgive me?”
“There isn’t anything to forgive.”
“There is. I still don’t even know your name, you don’t know mine. I should have made sure you knew enough to find me, if you wanted to. I should have made sure someone knew how to contact you if something happened to me. My disappearance must have hurt you.”
“It’s over now. You are here. It’s okay.”
“God, it isn’t okay. You need to tell me. Tell me everything. I need to know what this did to you. I can see the external damage. I need you to let me inside. Can you do that? Can you trust me to do that?”
“I don’t know. What happened, I never thought I could ever hurt like that. I… I…” She lay her head on his lap, her tears flowing freely as she thought back to those first days when he had disappeared. She had felt so much, so much devastation. She felt utterly destroyed.
He watched as her face changed, seemed to collapse, he saw the horrible pain she felt as she remembered. He reached down and pulled her up onto his lap wrapping his arms around her.
“I’m so sorry. I never meant for you to be hurt. Will you let me try and make it up to you? I want to stay here with you. I want us to talk. Share everything, our names, our history, where I live, who our friends are. Everything. Will you let me?”
She looked at him. She could see his vulnerability. Somehow she knew he asked out of respect for her and her feelings. What he was really asking her was whether she could let him in again. But the thing was, she had never shut him out. She had shut down her emotions but she had never shut him out. She needed his strength, not this man who seemed so unsure of himself.
“What happened hurt. It hurt a lot. But I’ve never shut you out. I needed what you gave me. I still need that. I need all of it. What was hard to understand was why you disappeared, when I knew you were guiding me helping me to learn more about myself just as you were learning more about me. I knew there was more, that you needed more. I didn’t understand how I could have been so wrong about that when you disappeared. I thought maybe you had decided I wasn’t worth it. Or maybe I had seen something that wasn’t really there. When months went by I finally accepted that I had made something up that wasn’t real and you had decided to move on. It was just another blow of many blows I had that showed me I couldn’t trust myself. I don’t trust myself now. I don’t know if I can do what you are asking without making it into something that it isn’t.”
“Baby. You didn’t make it into something that it wasn’t. You were right. I was working with you, helping you learn more about yourself just as I wanted and was working towards learning more about you. Every day as I uncovered more and more about you, I fell deeper and deeper in love with you. I’ve been searching for years for someone who fit in my lifestyle, fit with me the man I am. The dominant man I am. I needed someone submissive. Not someone who played at being submissive but someone who embodied it completely. You lived it without realizing it. I didn’t have to teach you. I didn’t have to train you. You embodied all the traits of a submissive without even realizing it. And every day you fit together with me in all the right places. You were not wrong. You were very right about me.”
“Then why do you ask now? Why are you different now?”
“Because baby, I hurt you. I don’t deserve your devotion. I failed you. I didn’t protect you. And I hurt you deeply. I ask because until I am worthy of you, until I earn your trust, I have no right to demand anything from you or to expect your obedience.”
“Then, yes. You can stay here. Tell me what you need.”
“I just need you baby. Just you.”