A Submissive’s Journey – 28April2014

11:57pm

I completed my assignment for tonight. Another 15 minutes kneeling. It becomes easier, the standing not so much easier, the tingling a nice reminder of what I am doing.

I’m calmer now after my rant in my online journal. It is amazing what a little breathing and meditation will do.

I’m tired, time for bed. Good night.

 

6:32am

I completed my morning assignment.

My morning assignments are brief just performing a minute or so of the mantra. However, they help me to focus and be calm for my day.

When I first began this assignment, I wasn’t sure if it would be a struggle for me to remember to do it or if I would find myself resentful of having just one more thing in my life I had to do. I am a bit surprised to find neither of these happened and in fact I am happy and look forward to doing it. It brings a sense of, first starting my day and then completing my day, of structure. I really can’t see myself not performing it or something similar each morning and night. I have tried meditation in the past but it never helped and never became a permanent fixture. I always struggled with it. This is different. Right now I don’t completely understand why but I accept it, and welcome it. It helps me feel whole.

I could sit here and write a whole lot more. I’m good at spilling my thoughts onto paper as they come into my head. However,  I think I will keep this short. My rant of last night had come out of the blue but I’m not surprised at the feelings invoked from a conversation I had about my latest story of The Beginning. These are feelings I need to express and I apologize if my rantings now and in the future should upset anyone. They are not meant to do so. Neither are my stories meant to have people feel sorry for me or feel they need to fix me. I am who I am because of my experiences. Writing is how I assimilate things and work things out in my mind. So you as the reader are getting a good look into my thoughts and how I do that. The only thing that concerns me about sharing all this here for anyone to see is that someone will think I’m weak and someone they can use. Or someone will misinterpret this and think they have a connection with me that isn’t there. I don’t want misunderstandings. I just want pure honest communication and that is what my whole blog is about. Looking back at it since I started it, I am amazed at the changes I’m seeing. I started with writing in Kate Spyder, Not Just Another Day, and it is now mostly occurring within Breathe in My Touch though I do from time to time post in the other. Must be the Gemini in me, the two personalities needing their own separate outlets.

Okay, it is now 7am, and  time to get me and the not so little one up and going for the day. Catch you all later. May the day be a beautiful one. They always are for me.

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About Kate Spyder

I'm a creative individual finding her way in her writing. I enjoy expressing my deep thoughts through poetry and stories. I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoy writing them.
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