Okay, I’m sitting here trying to concentrate on work, but work right now is going through email which can be rather tedious and doesn’t use a lot of brainwaves, so my mind wonders. This morning my mind wondered to the fact that since adding the assignment to my morning and evenings, I look forward to both, equally. Before, I liked my evenings just because I could have a few hours of quiet to myself after my daughter has gone to bed. Prior to having my daughter, I just enjoyed evenings as my own time of solitude without work (at least for the most part) interjecting. I added that, at least for the most part, because I have a job where I could be called at any hour of the day or night 365 days of the year, 366 if it is a leap year.
Anyway, as I was saying I enjoyed my evenings. My mornings, not so much. I dreaded mornings especially if I had to get up early. If an alarm clock went off it was even worse. Even as a child I didn’t enjoy waking up to a new morning.
Today, I realized that is changing. Since beginning the assignment, I am finding I’m either waking up before my schedule requires me to or sometimes waking in the middle of the night with a need to write. Some people might think I’m crazy for finding that enjoyable, but it is. It is very enjoyable to finally WANT to wake up. To actually, look forward to waking up. To actually not moan in my head when I wake up before the alarm goes off and not being able to go back to sleep, or to not moan in my head when the alarm finally does go off.
All I can say is it is a strange and wonderful thing, what is happening to me.
I’ve noticed something else. Time seems to have slowed down for me. You might be wondering what I mean by that. In the past few days I’ve been aware that time seems to be passing at a different rate than it had several days ago.
It is almost a week since I started Sub Assignment 4. Prior to starting this assignment days seemed to pass so quickly maybe not in a blink of the eye but I noticed time would jump by hours, the days of the week would pass so quickly I hardly had time to breathe let alone figure out what I had next on my schedule. The past few days when I would glance at the clock afraid I might be missing a meeting or possibly had run out of time for a lunch break (this last one happened so frequently I almost gave up trying), I would find only minutes had gone by instead of the expected hour.
Even now I keep looking at the clock expecting it to have taken fifteen minutes to write this and only eight minutes have gone by.
I suddenly find myself with time to do things, to slow down and eat, to read something I’ve been meaning to read, to take the time to clean up the kitchen a little more thoroughly and not feel like I’ve used up all my day on hard work and no play.
It is bedtime now, and I’m off to my assignment and rest.
I just completed my evening assignment. I increased my kneeling to 20 minutes, the last two minutes were the hardest. My feet were going numb and I was getting restless so I concentrated on the mantra (I won’t tell you what I meditated on after completing the mantra at the beginning of the twenty minutes but suffice it to say that it was very pleasant indeed.) I will probably stay at twenty minutes for my evening ritual for a while.
I find it interesting how my handwriting changes after a ritual. It is neater and smaller.
Time for sleep. Good-night.
I finished my assignment this morning about 30 minutes ago. This morning started out a bit unexpectedly. I heard my daughter up earlier than usual, she is having some new experiences which are taking her into womanhood. The changes can be unsettling, especially at her age. She is at least two years earlier than when I had gone through such changes. At least for her I sit and talk with her about those changes and help her to understand what they mean to her. Whereas, I was just given a booklet to read, no discussion and no understanding about the pain and discomfort that goes along with these female things. I am hoping she will appreciate my openness with her about such things but right now she sometimes gets embarrassed.
My morning actually started out much earlier, waking just after 4am with words floating around in my head. I had tried twice now to write down the aftermath of my last relationship and have come to the understanding that it is still very close to me so I get caught up in all the details. The words floating around in my head were ones I needed to begin and hopefully finish the last part of my story which surprise, surprise, will be called The Aftermath. I will supply the link here once I’ve posted it, hopefully later today.
The tea kettle is whistling so time to get moving and begin my day.