A Submissive’s Journey – Sub Assignment Number 1

Below are my thoughts regarding performing Sub Assignment Number 1:

8:10am

I just completed the writing assignment, Sub Assignment Number 1. My hand is a little sore and stiff from writing the last half in one sitting. The closer I became to finishing the harder it was to take my time and not hurry. After writing the 100 repetitions, I scanned over what I had written and found eight mistakes, so I wrote eight more. In one case, 79, my mind had wondered and I found myself combining two of the sentences into one “A submissive is being strong and full of grace.” In the other seven cases I found I dropped out one letter, “I am submissive.” Or “Being submissive is being strong and full of grace.” This changes the word submissive from a noun to an adverb which changes the whole essence of the statements. In my opinion it sort of weakens it.

While performing the assignment, I often felt my thoughts go back in time to periods in my life where I felt I was resilient and strong which fortifies within me that those things have always been a part of me. This has helped me to feel strong within my submissive nature and I feel this is reflected in my writing.

When I started the assignment I chose lined paper and a pen. The lined paper because I know my penchant for being unable to write in a straight line on unlined paper and my work ends up looking sloppy. The pen because I wanted to force myself into focusing on the words I was writing by having to focus harder to keep from making mistakes that could not be erased. This would force me then to look at my work later to see how successful I was. I filled both front and backsides of the paper.

I found it interesting that the paper I selected took exactly nine repetitions on one side of the page without leaving any unused lines or having to break up the groupings of the statements.

By the second page (containing 10-18), I was noticing something. I was noticing that the letters “s” and “i” seemed to be the more frequent of the letters being written. I counted them. In the three statements, the letter “s” appears 14 times and the letter “i” appears 13 times. The next letter “e” appears 10 times. All other letters appear 7 or less times.

I focused on the letter “s” and “i” for their significance. “S” is the first letter of the word submissive and appears in the word submissive 3 times. It is, also, the first letter in the word strong.

The letter “i” alone has significance because of its association with one’s self, which strengthens the word “submissive” as well as the word “resilient” even further with it appearing in the each word twice, then also followed by the word “is” which contains both the letter “i” and “s” with the “i” preceding “s” which is how it should be in regards to how we see ourselves.

I became gradually aware of these things as I moved further into the assignment. Therefore when writing the statements this repetition within the words and statements gave further strength as to how it made me feel.

The fact that the word ‘grace’ doesn’t contain an‘s’ or an ‘i’ somehow made it stand out even more.

This analysis of the letters and words actually surprised me. Though I am one who has an eye for details, which is a must have in regards to being able to code a functional program, I had never thought this assignment would have me basically decoding the statements as I did.

As I stated earlier in my journal, I knew any preconceived ideas I had would not come close to what I would discover and this has held true.

Here is a copy of my writing, it is in PDF format: Sub Assignment Number 1

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About Kate Spyder

I'm a creative individual finding her way in her writing. I enjoy expressing my deep thoughts through poetry and stories. I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoy writing them.
This entry was posted in A Submissive's Journey, Journal and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

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