A Submissive’s Journey – 8May2014 5:50pm to 9May2014 5:50am

5:50pm

After waking so early this morning, and sleep not as it could have been over the past couple nights, I found myself having difficulty keeping my eyes open, so after picking up my daughter and a friend of hers at school so they could have a playdate at our home, I took a nap.

I woke from my nap around 4:30pm to find a track and field event taking place in my living room. The home team had advantage and won the first round of events, even breaking a world record in the long jump however the visiting team must have learned a few things from the first round for she turned it around on the second set of events and won, including breaking the home team’s long jump world record. Visitor and Home team were now tied.

The next event was beach volleyball, where they teamed together against an opposing team, home court had the advantage and the home team won.

Turned out the next event was boxing. Thank goodness they wore face protection so no blood went flying across my living room. It was a brutal match with the Visitor pummeling the Home team repeatedly. Blood would have been drawn if face protection gear had not been utilized. Visitor won both boxing matches by TKO. Home team was obviously disappointed in her performance today, however the conclusion was the playdate was a resounding success.

Unfortunately, the announcer had woken up with a headache, and her announcing skills were not quite up to par. And she isn’t sure if she will be taking a walk today.

9:14pm

My daughter has lost her computer privileges. She knows the rules. She is to be off the computer by 8:30, so she can be in bed and read before lights out at 9pm. She also had chores that were to be done tonight which meant she should have been off her computer well before 8:30pm so she could get her chores done before lying down to read. At 8:55pm she was still on the computer in the midst of a game with her friends, when I told her to say good-bye and to tell her friends they would not see her for a couple days. The rules were written down, and posted where she can see them every day.

Tomorrow after school will be her time to catch up on her chores, and I will also have her do the chores I was unable to do because she had not done hers.

I am at a loss as to how to instill a sense of responsibility in her. Maybe I was at fault in not following through with punishments in the past like I should have. My research into submission really brought this home to me which took me down the path to creating firm rules for her to follow. With the understanding that when a rule is broken she would be punished. When she does not perform her chores, this interferes with my ability to perform some of my own chores. For instance, one of her chores is to put away the clean dishes after the dishwasher has completed cleaning them. If she doesn’t empty the dishwasher, then I cannot put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher and our sink or counter ends up with dirty dishes in a pile. Or I have to hand wash them. This I do not like and this does not look well on us when someone comes into our home. This reasoning is not enough for her to understand why it is important for her to complete her chores at the time they should be done. My only recourse is to punish her.

I find it interesting as I set upon my path of submission, where rules are being applied to me in my training with the understanding there will be punishment if I break a rule, that this is being paralleled with my daughter.

I don’t like punishing her. I know however that I must in order for her to learn. I know the disappointment I feel in her right now, and I would do everything I can possibly do to keep my Sir from feeling such disappointment in me or feel such anger as I do now. This is why I will always work hard to obey the rules he sets in place.

I am almost done with my assignment. I will take my time going over it, editing it and making sure I have performed the assignment as instructed. There are still several days before it is due, therefore I have the time to meditate upon the assignment to determine if I have indeed dug deeply, or if there is anything I have not said which should be said.

I am having trouble focusing right now, and my headache is getting worse, which means it is time to step away for a bit and do something that is more relaxing, and possibly even to bed early for me this night.

10:50pm

I was looking at my stats for this blog, 102 posts, 101 views, and 102 followers. I work with numbers every single day. I wonder what the odds are in reaching this set of numbers in the same day.

It is time to take my own advice and go rest.

11:09pm

I performed my evening ritual choosing to forgo the twenty minutes and reduce it to just a couple minutes and saying the phrases at least three times each. This only took a couple minutes. My headache was getting worse, and I knew I needed rest. Tomorrow was going to be a long work day of possibly thirteen hours if I don’t take a couple hours in the middle of my day to step away from work. Hopefully, I will sleep well.

5:50am

I performed my ritual this morning. I felt myself rushing through the phrases and forced myself to slow down thinking about them as I said them.

My headache is gone this morning. Rest was better however I found myself waking several times throughout the night and checking the clock. I was determined to get more sleep while at the same time I was looking forward to waking and starting a new day. This is new to me. In the past, I had trouble waking up in the morning and wanting to sleep for as long as I could in the mornings. Now I wake before my alarm goes off and find I am excited for the new day to begin.

My anger is gone from the situation with my daughter in its stead I feel determination. I am hopeful this time she will learn something from her punishment.

My handwritten journal and my online journal are becoming an interesting mix. When I’m not by my computer, I write in my handwritten journal so I will not lose the thoughts I wish to record. Then I’ll transcribe them into my online journal. However, when I’m by my computer I write in my online journal and I do not transcribe it into my handwritten journal. As I said it is turning into an interesting mix.

I am going to go now and review my assignment again. If nothing more develops for adding to it, I will most likely send it today. I don’t like hanging onto things that are completed, especially things like this that contain my deepest thoughts. Hanging onto them, like this journal if I wait too long, I may think twice about revealing certain things about myself which might make me uncomfortable in revealing. Or I might read it later and think how silly it sounds and try to rewrite it, then it wouldn’t be as authentic, which is not what I want.

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About Kate Spyder

I'm a creative individual finding her way in her writing. I enjoy expressing my deep thoughts through poetry and stories. I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoy writing them.
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