A Submissive’s Journey – 11:42am 16May2014 to 12:00pm 17May2014

11:42am

I’ve decided I really am a slut. Some of the things that come out of my mind, especially just upon waking, well there just isn’t anything to do but just show you. Check out this.

1:07am

Day 3, part 2:

  • 5 minutes masturbation prior to kneeling
  • 15 minutes kneeling, saying both groups of sentences from Sub Assignment Number 1

 

8:46am

Day 4, part 1:

  • 5 minutes masturbation prior to kneeling
  • 15 minutes kneeling, saying both groups of sentences from Sub Assignment Number 1

I added something to my assignment I’m not sure my Sir will approve. I used the toy I have which vibrates and leave it on the whole time while I kneel. I do not cum, but it adds an interesting element of arousal to the whole assignment. It also makes the time seem to go quickly and at times I have trouble concentrating on saying the groups of sentences. I did this both last night and this morning. And afterwards I masturbated to orgasm.

I wrote an email to my Sir about what I did. I hope he approves.

I didn’t write much at all yesterday. Being tired in the morning, I took some time later and took a nap which helped considerably in putting me back to rights. The rest of the day was spent in just trying to have a relaxing day with as little stress as possible. I watched some movies while I worked, kept up on reading some of the blogs that interested me and replying to comments.

I also took time to work on some tangles when I realized it had been several days since I had done any at all. I really want to push myself artistically. I know I can draw. The problem is getting past the block of insecurity I have. I’m hoping doing the tangles will help me do that. The second one had an element that I didn’t like how it was turning out but I persisted in continuing and filling in the space, in the end it came out nice. I know it could have been better however the end result was much better than I had thought it would be. I need to remember this. When I start drawing and I don’t like how it is going I tend to toss it away and sometimes give up completely. I’m not crazy about the tangles where I do not plan the work. For instance the 2nd one I posted yesterday is one that was completely random. The first one I did was planned where I set up the strings to be that of the midsection of a woman’s body, her belly button being the center sitting slightly too high and overly large and just the under curve of her breasts in the top right corner. I’m not sure if anyone looking at it would see this so it is kind of intriguing as to whether anyone would notice or say anything.

I did however learn a bit about scanning in my drawings, thanks to some suggestions from my Sir. I found using grey scale made the shading look a lot better and the picture clearer.

Therefore, yesterday, I was successful at remaining relaxed and little to no stress. After the stressful week I had, I had needed this very much.

In regards to my assignment. I’m finding some resistance to kneeling. The length of time is sort of wearing on me. The additional element I added seems to help with this. I know the last two days are going to be the hardest, so far my plan is to keep to doing fifteen minutes each time I kneel. I would have liked to have tried to do the whole hour on the last day in one kneeling period however I’m not sure I will be able to do that. I can do up to twenty minutes so far but it is difficult and very painful when rising, even the fifteen minutes hurts and many times I just find myself pulling myself up into my bed since I do my kneeling right beside it. I’ve turned so I face my bed so all I need to do is reach up and pull myself up. It isn’t very graceful, so it is either that or sit to my side so I can unfold my legs and rub them until the pain passes.

During the kneeling, I try to focus on the sentences I’m saying aloud. Sometimes my mind wonders, and sometimes I find my eyes wonder as well, or even close. I want to close them so the visuals around me don’t distract me and closing them also allows me to enter into a darkness that allows me to focus inward. With my eyes open, I am always focused outward, looking for things to draw my eyes, or sometimes I visualize my Sir standing by watching in approval. I like this visualization but I also miss being able to close my eyes and focus inward or just visualizing. Visualizing for me is easier doing so from the darkness like having a blank slate to create from.

12:00pm

I heard from my Sir. He did like what I did, however he has added to the instructions. He now expects me to do this for the rest of my assignment during each kneeling period but I am not to cum until the last kneeling period of the day. This is going to be hard. Using the toy gets me very aroused, and sometimes the hormones I’m taking make it almost impossible to ignore the need. However, the good thing is I’m in the period of my cycle when I go off of the testosterone supplement which is the one that really amps up my libido, though you could not have been able to tell it by yesterday’s activities. *sigh* My brain keeps saying “This is not good. This is not good.” I will however persevere, or at least I hope I will be able to.

The question is, will this curb my inventive or creative imagination and make me not want to introduce things like this which would make my Sir want to up the ante even further? I hope not. I want to please my Sir. Oh jeez, I just realized how much more aroused this will make me thinking about pleasing my Sir by following his instructions to the letter. I need to stop thinking about this. Okay, I’m going to post and go do something else for a while. Ummm… yeah… that’s the ticket, find something boring and non-sexual… yeah, right… anyone who knows my brain knows how hard that is… just the word hard, just sent my mind… oh never mind.. I’m out of here… until later tonight. Be good readers and sorry but I’m going to have to stay away from most of the blogs I follow for the next few days until this assignment is over. *sigh*

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About Kate Spyder

I'm a creative individual finding her way in her writing. I enjoy expressing my deep thoughts through poetry and stories. I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoy writing them.
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