A Submissive’s Journey – 19May2014 4:14pm to 20May2014 7:07am

4:14pm

Day 6, part 2:

  • 5 minutes masturbation prior to kneeling
  • 15 minutes kneeling, saying both groups of sentences from Sub Assignment Number 1, with vibrator on

I took a shower and decided to take this time to do my second set of fifteen minutes in kneeling. It was actually comforting this set because of the turmoil from this morning in the news I received. I also started writing about my father and his death. I’m almost done with it however I have some editing to do and usually when I edit my stories it brings up some things I missed. I wrote a poem today too. It was meant to be provocative and a sort of tease to a friend who hasn’t been in touch then I find out he is going through some tough times too, not sure exactly what but enough that it is consuming his time. I told him not to worry, I’d be around once the dust settles and then we can catch up. Another friend who is thousands of miles away. I really need to get out more, maybe I’d make a friend or two here if I did.

10:34pm

I took a nap after my second set of fifteen minutes. I slept longer than anticipated. While cooking dinner I pulled out real paper and pencil this time and decided to try drawing from the same picture I used for my sketch yesterday on black using white chalk. I like the feel of using real paper and pencil, a software program just doesn’t cut it for me. I will use it from time to time but for now I think using the real thing will be better for getting me back into drawing. Already on paper it looks better, but it is only just the beginning and needs a whole lot more work in order to have me say to myself, ‘yeah, now that is much better’. I haven’t had any formal training in art, only what I received in high school or middle school. And really all my art teacher did was give us ideas and then let us create on our own.

When I looked at my email today from work, I had received another email about another co-worker, this time she lost her husband to cancer. This makes three people I’ve heard about dying in the past five days. I may not know them but I know the person closest to them.

11:59pm

Day 6, part 3:

  • 5 minutes masturbation prior to kneeling
  • 15 minutes kneeling, saying both groups of sentences from Sub Assignment Number 1, with vibrator on

After my assignment I masturbated to orgasm.

 

7:07am

Day 7, part 1:

  • 5 minutes masturbation prior to kneeling
  • 10 minutes kneeling, saying both groups of sentences from Sub Assignment Number 1, with vibrator on

I received an email this morning from a friend telling me our mutual friend has inoperable brain tumor. This is the same friend I heard about on the fourteenth, same day as my doctor’s appointment. I have been trying to think of what to say but I really have no words at this point. Those who pray and believe in a higher power please add my friend to your prayers. I know I haven’t mentioned her name but God will know who you mean.

 

Advertisements

About Kate Spyder

I'm a creative individual finding her way in her writing. I enjoy expressing my deep thoughts through poetry and stories. I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoy writing them.
This entry was posted in A Submissive's Journey, Journal and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to A Submissive’s Journey – 19May2014 4:14pm to 20May2014 7:07am

  1. hatrbe says:

    Will keep your friend in mind. I commend you on your diligence in your quest of submission.

  2. farrahdomid says:

    I’m really sorry to hear about your friend. I know that’s be easy to deal with and I hope you have support in handling the news. She’ll be in my prayers ❤
    Also, you mentioned that a lot of people are dying around you and when I've been in that situation, it was really hard to understand the things that happen in life. Appreciate and love your life. You are beautiful.
    Lastly, why do you kneel? Or maybe not why, but are you doing breathing exercises? What comes from kneeling?

    • Kate Spyder says:

      When I knelt for the first time it was when I decided to take on a Sub Assignment from Liberate One’s blog. He writes about dominance and submission trying to help educate those in need of learning more about D/s relationships. He has posted four assignments. I chose the fourth to do first because it was simply kneeling and saying a mantra. When I thought about kneeling, I really thought I would not like it, and that I would be disgusted with myself for doing so. However, the moment I knelt, it felt amazingly right. I felt peace enter into me and a calm suffuse my mind and body. From that moment on I knew I was on the right path and that kneeling would be incorporated into my life on a daily basis. I do so morning and night. In the morning it helps me focus for my day, reminds me I’m submissive and I serve, which surprised me in how it helped me in my job. In the evenings, it helps me to calm my mind for rest, to let the days events go and let the evening shut down for the night. I tried plain meditation but it never gave me this feeling. I think I needed a purpose other than just focusing inward. I have incorporated breathing along with saying the mantra. My Sir is always telling me to breathe, which is something I tend to forget to do.

      • farrahdomid says:

        Wow! It’s always great when something you think you’ll dislike turns out to be everything you need and love. Little surprises in life. It’s cool that you have something that allows you to center yourself and focus. Do you think this is a lifelong journey? Something you’ll always carry with you, always be a submissive? Or are you doing this for a period of time until you life takes you in another direction? I’m asking you so many question, so tell me if it’s too much, I’ll stop. And I also hope I’m not offending you in any way! Either way, I’m glad you’ve found something that’s made you feel at ease.

      • Kate Spyder says:

        If you read the post at the link, I think it might answer a lot of your questions. This is a life long journey for me, it really is finding out who I really am. I’ve had these submissive feelings since I was a child. I spent my whole life trying to smother them and ignore them because on one hand I was raised by a domineering father who didn’t express his love or understand my submissive nature so when I was no longer under his control I swore I wouldn’t let anyone do that to me again, and on the other hand, it went against so much of what I was being taught in today’s society that a woman should be. I cannot imagine turning away from this to something else because really that is what I did my whole life and it left me feeling empty. I no longer feel that emptiness. You have not offended me in any way. I encourage your questions. I’m glad you are curious about this and me.

      • farrahdomid says:

        I just read your essay, and Kate…wow. I feel like I understand you on this deeper level. I think your journey is beautiful and I’m glad that you’ve found yourself. I’m glad you’re finally comfortable. And like you told me before, the guys you were with and sharing your life with were leading you to this. They were all showing you what you really want. Thank you for sharing this journey with us because I feel really enlightened. I’m also glad you stopped worrying about everything holding you back from this. It seems that your journey is making you really happy, and lead you to ultimate happiness. Life is making more sense. This is beautiful and amazing. Really, thanks for sharing.

      • Kate Spyder says:

        farrah, it is my pleasure to share this part of my life. If it can help others who have struggled to understand themselves better, even if it is only one person then placing it here for anyone to read is worth it. Thank you for taking the time to read about my journey and commenting and especially your questions. Your questions help me to think about things I might not ask myself. I am glad you find my journey beautiful, for it is to me as well.

      • farrahdomid says:

        Oh, and the fact that it’s bringing you closer to God is also pretty cool. I’ve been trying to get closer and closer to God lately, so it’s nice reading about someone else’s journey with that. I wish you the best in all of this. And I’m glad your Sir is giving you everything you need and making you realize what you’ve missed over the years.

      • Kate Spyder says:

        Thank you farrah, it is amazing how everything comes together when one takes up their true path.

      • farrahdomid says:

        That’s awesome. Is kneeling synonymous with praying at all?

      • Kate Spyder says:

        That is an interesting question. I think for every submissive kneeling has a different meaning to them. For me kneeling helped me connect directly with being submissive. It felt like coming home. It felt like I was finally accepting who I am. If it had not felt ‘right’ I would not be kneeling morning and night as I am now. I most likely would not be on this journey. Kneeling for me is an expression of who I am. It is an act which in the doing of it brings me peace. Praying never did that for me. Neither did kneeling in a church before God. I do not equate the two. But that is not to say that someone else may very well equate the two. I don’t think I have said this but when I serve my Sir, I feel I also serve God. This is not to say that I think my Sir is God, for he is not, what I mean by this is through my service to my Sir, because I do it with loving devotion, in serving him, then I am also serving God. If my service to my Sir brings him joy and peace so that he can do the work he needs to do, and this work is what he does in his service to God, then this is what kneeling represents for me. Not prayer, but my willingness to serve my Sir and in so doing, I also serve God.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s