My Sir and I talked for hours last night. Well, really, he talked and I listened. Even after talking for so many hours it was difficult to hang up the phone.
I woke early this morning around 6:30am. This on a day I could have slept in but my mind woke too active. So I got up. Performed my morning ritual of kneeling and prepared for my day.
I have the best boss in the world. I told him about needing half a day off work Friday for the biopsy and his first question was “how long before you know the results?” I told him a week. His next comment, “so you’ll be on pins and needles for a week.” He never asked about my workload. Everything he said was of his concerns for me. Did I say I have the best boss in the world?
I spoke to my daughter today about my doctor’s appointment and what is happening tomorrow. She tried to be strong and brave and not cry but I told her not to hold it in, to let it out and it was okay. She cried. Then she stopped and went about her day. I did tell her if it worried her too much and she wanted to go with me to just let me know. So far she has not said so and she seems to be okay.
Usually I write in my journal in the mornings and post early if I am able. Today, my mind was elsewhere and tomorrow I expect it will be the same. Right now my focus is to get through the procedure tomorrow. So, I probably won’t post until after the procedure and I am home for a while.
The doctor told me that he wanted me to stop taking all hormones. However, I questioned him on this. I told him if I don’t take progesterone then I end up with anxiety and panic attacks. Thank God he was okay with me continuing to take the progesterone, otherwise this would be much more difficult for me to handle. I’ve been okay emotionally. The stress however is there. I feel it in my neck and shoulders and my digestive system has been a bit off. Though for the most part I keep my mind otherwise occupied there are moments when my thoughts turn to what will happen tomorrow.
I think I’m more worried about not responding well to the procedure than I am on what the results will be. I am a single parent and I don’t really have anyone here who can step in at a moment’s notice and help take care of my daughter. She will be at school tomorrow while I have the procedure done and I should be home long before she gets home. The thought that something could happen and I would not be at home when she got home does not give me a good feeling. I would not want her coming home to find me not here, knowing how that would frighten her. I will however have my cellphone with me and she will be able to call me to find out where I am or what is happening if I’m not home when she gets home. The doctor though said all would be done long before my daughter got out of school and I am trusting him on this.