The past couple of days have been really busy, writing and calling friends and family, letting them know about the biopsy results. This has not been easy. Many times I can tell they have no idea what to say, and after a brief hesitation I just keep talking, telling them of my options and that the surgeon is positive it can be treated. This usually gives people time to absorb the news and relax and talk.
I have one sister-in-law who is just rather blunt, when I told her about the diagnosis, she said and I quote, “That sucks.” Which made me laugh and I told her I love her bluntness because yes it does suck.
Then I have a friend who has no trouble at all saying what she feels and it just bubbles out of her like infectious candy. Yes, even when it is bad news. Our discussion was full of seriousness while at the same time being able to laugh about all sorts of things. We spent three hours on the phone.
Both of these women left me feeling energized instead of drained like most of the conversations I’ve had. These are the type of people I need around me now. And thank god my friend has offered to come stay with me and help if I need it. If I have her around me, there is no way I could ever wallow in self-pity, so yeah if she can be here, I want her here.
I’ve been wanting to make this really decadent cake. It is white cake with strawberry gelatin mixed in the cake, with whipped cream frosting and cut strawberries. I know. It is so full of sugar. After this my baking and cooking will have to change.
Tomorrow is my appointment with the surgeon to discuss my options and what my preference is and for him to answer any questions. So, I really do not have anything new to relay. I do not understand why I have not heard from his office like he said I would in regards to scheduling a surgery date as well as another date for the second biopsy. In some ways this is probably good since the option I’m choosing will most likely change all of that.
In some ways I feel like my submission has been put on hold. I have been able to follow the rules without any problems other than this morning I was late on sending my Sir my private journal. This morning I was distracted with yet another email to a friend giving them the news. I didn’t want them to hear about it through the grapevine at work. I was also trying to call my friend in Montreal who was not home at the time I called. Calls with her are usually chaotic and can be quite emotional or full of energy that bounces around and doesn’t seem to land anywhere which can leave me exhausted.
Well, I reached my friend in Montreal. As is the case most times, conversation with her was quite exhausting. I usually have to repeat things a couple of times for her to catch what it is I’m trying to relay to her. However, by the end of the conversation about an hour and half later she understood why I was making the decisions I was making. At first she couldn’t understand why I felt a mastectomy was better than doing the lumpectomy. And I can understand why some people would choose a lumpectomy, I’m just not one of those people, at least not at this time in my life.
During my discussion with her I put the butter out to soften for the new cake recipe I’m trying. I have to alter it a bit though because of my daughter being allergic to hydrogenated oils. Since shortening is also a hydrogenated oil, most cake mixes contain one or the other. The original recipe calls for a white cake mix. I finally found a recipe for a strawberry cake made from scratch. This is what I hope it will come out like once I’m all done:
The cake now is in the oven baking, when it is done and cooling I’ll begin making the frosting and cutting up the strawberries.
If the strawberry cake comes out good then I’ll have to find a way to make it with an alternative sugar replacement.
I keep looking at the pictures that pop up on the blogs I follow. The young tight bodies of the women in the pictures. Before I would feel a bit of envy because where I once had a tight body like theirs at fifty-four that has changed a bit and I feel the loss of it sometimes. Now however when I see a woman’s tightly peaked nipple on a firm breast I remember that one of mine will be removed soon. I don’t envy them anymore. I think about the chances of them developing breast cancer not realizing at their young age right now what that might mean for them down the road.