Slow process, another day of recovery

My last post poured from me like a river. I’m glad I wrote it for I need a record to remind me of how I felt and how bad it really was. Today I’m doing better. It is a slow process back. I want to get off the medication the ER doctor put me on because it is about stopping what our bodies is supposed to make naturally. The problem was the anti-nausea drugs they had me on set my body off into over production. Yesterday, without any suggestion from any doctor or nurse I took Align. Align is a probiotic supplement meant to help fortify our digestive fleura. Not long after taking it I could feel a decrease in the symptoms.  I was tempted to take another in the evening but I am so afraid of setting things off balance I decided approaching it slowly and with caution would be better than trying to flood my system with something I know my body needs while not knowing how my body would respond. I have a stronger probiotic I could take but once again I’m skittish, so baby steps is what I’m doing at least until I can talk with my Naturopath which will be today.  Once I know I’m getting back on track I’ll check about getting off the pantoprazole which is a selective “proton pump inhibitor”, a medicine which reduces the amount of acid produced in your stomach.

I’m back to doing my research, this time focusing on what these medications have done to me and how I can repair my body from the damage it has incurred.

I trusted the doctor, in particular the Oncologist to be able to do what was right, to inflict no harm and to help my body retain its health. I was wrong. I have been harmed. My body has been damaged. All I can do is hope it has not been damaged beyond repair or to the point it has weakened me and made it even more susceptible to cancer taking another foothold.

I have taken this past incident as a warning. A sign that what I am doing is not for me. The next set of chemo was going to be even more risky. The risk of a severe allergic reaction is so high, the first hour I would be at the cancer clinic would have been spent pumping my body full of drugs that are meant to try and prevent an allergic reaction and yet it would not guarantee there would not be one, so I was told I would need to be diligent and tell the chemo nurse immediately if I noticed anything at all different. If I did then they would stop or slow it down. As it is I was to expect to be at the cancer clinic for 5 hours due to how slow they have to administer the chemo due to the risks I mentioned.

I believe things happen for a reason. They happen at specific times and certain ways for a very good reason. I believe this scare over the past 4 days has been for a very good reason and that reason is to put a stop to the chemo. I believe the next chemo would have either killed me or put me in the hospital and damaged me permanently. I can’t ignore such a sign in which I have not eaten and drinking anything has become difficult other than taking one sip at a time for over 4 days, making me so weak that I almost ended up in the hospital. I’m still not completely sure that won’t happen. The risk is still there because taking one sip of water feels okay but taking the second sip is like trying to get water past a boulder lodged in my throat and I feel like I might choke. So I have been living one sip at a time, alternating water, Ensure, some broth from chicken noodle soup and jello. I may get as much as an 8 ounce glass of liquid into my body in a day, maybe if I really push it I can get 4 more ounces down me, considering they want me to have as much as 7 glasses a day, well I’m not even getting close to it.

What would you do in my place?  What I’m doing now is researching, because here is what I have come to understand and how I feel about this situation.

The pharmacist when I picked up the pantoprazole prescription after ER, hit the nail on the head. He looked me in the eye and told me my fleura is all messed up. I knew exactly what he was saying. I also knew this was a direct message to me from God. It is my opinion a doctor or doctors should be looking at ways to restore that fleura, to put my body back in working order. Instead, they give me a drug that is an inhibitor. I have to ask myself why. There can be two simple explanations, either they don’t know, or it is the easiest way to treat the problem. Get rid of the symptom, then they can get me out of ER. But now here is the problem. If my body isn’t producing the gas and acid that it needs to digest my food then how am I supposed to be able to put healthy nutritional food in my body to help me heal and get back into good health? Why is a doctor not helping me to do that? Why are they throwing drugs at me to stop what my body is supposed to do naturally? My body thinks it is under attack. And it is. I have yet to read on what the anti-nausea meds are doing but obviously if I have to have anti-nausea meds because the chemo they give me makes me want to throw up, then they are giving me something my body interprets as foreign and needs to be gotten rid of. Therefore, what the anti-nausea meds are doing is forcing my body to accept a dangerous chemical that it knows is harmful.

What ever happened to the “Do No Harm” concept for doctors? This I need to research but at this point is mute because harm has been done.  From Wikipedia, the original oath: “With regard to healing the sick, I will devise and order for them the best diet, according to my judgment and means; and I will take care that they suffer no hurt or damage.” So now we have doctors that ignore the ‘no hurt or damage’ and purposefully inflict damage to patients in the disguise of giving them a chance at living longer. Not only that but ignore the most important function of our body and that is to provide it a healthy diet in which to help the body recover from disease.

No one, not a nurse, not a doctor has helped me to get my body back to where it can take in healthy nourishment.  On my own, I took the chance at taking the Align to see if it would  help. Luckily for me it seems to be helping and not hurting. My Naturopath at lease has responded to my email question regarding if a stronger probiotic might be better and in fact suggested I take two of the stronger ones I have on hand. I am holding back until we talk on the phone today just so I can be sure she understands the full range of the physical situation I am experiencing. She has been out of touch with all that has been happening other than the fact she knew I was going for chemo treatments and that so far I had been responding well to them.  Their office has worked with chemo patients before so I have a feeling this isn’t something they haven’t come across before.

Don’t get me wrong. I think an Oncologist job is very important, however I think they need to do more. They and the pharmaceutical industry needs to find a way that builds up our bodies while trying to fight disease, whether it is cancer or some other horrible disease. I need a doctor who supports a very high standard of healthy living, teaching me and encouraging me to do what will build up instead of tear apart my body. Shutting down a bodies natural defenses doesn’t make sense to me. Shutting down a bodies ability to take in healthy foods and taking it almost to the brink of death doesn’t make a bit of sense to me.  It is time for me to take back ownership of my body and give it what it needs. I just hope it isn’t too late or too much damage done.

About Kate Spyder

I'm a creative individual finding her way in her writing. I enjoy expressing my deep thoughts through poetry and stories. I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoy writing them.
This entry was posted in A Submissive's Journey, Journal and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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