It is almost two weeks since I crashed hard from my third chemo treatment on Saturday 27December. It was six hard days of trying to get myself to the point of being able to drink fluids normally and eat solid food. It has been a slow process since then of trying to regain my strength which seems to be elusive even now. I’ve had to resort a couple times to taking Zantac because of gas and indigestion after eating and causing my cough to get even worse which tells me the doctor is right in that the cough maybe due to gas needing to be released.
I take a probiotic daily sometimes two. I eat small portions of food, like half a canned soup, and ice cream has become an almost daily thing either as a milkshake or eating a couple scoops with a banana. I eat an apple almost every day as well, after the first time of peeling the apple, I now eat them with the skin hoping the fibre from the skin will help with my digestion.
Yesterday, I worked on the dishes that had piled up, and had to do so in increments after trying to do it all and ending up out of breath and almost collapsing. So the rest of the day was rinsing the rest in portions small enough not to wear me out, then resting, then putting brown rice on to cook, resting, then cutting up carrots and broccoli, while the ham cooked in the skillet, resting, then cutting up the ham and adding the rice, broccoli, carrots, and spices all together, then resting while it cooked. I ate only about half the portion I normally do but it did sit well on my stomach and I didn’t need any Zantac. Later I loaded the last of the dishes into the dishwasher and ran it, leaving a few pans to soak.
The hard part is feeling so weak. I want so bad to go to my Naturopath and my Chiropractor but they are an hour drive away. Even if I have someone to drive me, I think the trip would take too much out of me. There are times when all I do is stand up and begin walking across the room and within only a half dozen steps I feel myself become dizzy and weak, almost passing out.
Then I have nights like I had last night, where I wake around 3:30am and can’t go back to sleep. The lower part of my legs were aching from the knees down and it felt like it was deep in my bones. My cough was also causing me to not be able to go back to sleep. After an hour of trying, I finally turned on my television to try and shut down the noise in my head.
You see, the noise in my head is because a couple days ago I was contacted by a Dominant. He has no idea what has and is happening with me and I’m not sure if I should be blunt and tell him or leave it for later if communication continues. On one hand I feel I should be upfront and tell him, but on the other hand I feel it would be laying too much on him too soon. And then there is whether I have the strength or energy to devote to what is needed for this. Energy and strength I really need to devote to getting better. My health to me right now must be my top priority.