On Sunday, I was so exhausted and tired of feeling so weak, I finally pulled out my laptop and found a website where I could plug in all my symptoms which would then give me a list of possible causes. One thing in that list popped out at me. Anemia. I pulled up Anemia and looked at all its symptoms. All of my symptoms were listed and there were only a couple of its symptoms that I didn’t have. With help from a friend, I picked up Floradix and started treating myself for Anemia.
On Monday, I called my family doctor’s office. I had hoped to get an appointment that same day but unfortunately that wasn’t the case. They were, however, able to fit me in the next day. My doctor agreed that I was most likely Anemic. He said it goes along with chemo. Funny that my oncologist never mentioned it. He ordered blood work. On Thursday I went back in to see him and he told me the blood work confirmed I am anemic. Then told me this could go on for a few months. At that point I just wanted to scream, but all I had the strength to do was repeat, “A few months, a few months” while rubbing my forehead in frustration. Interesting how doctors back down when they see a patient so frustrated. He then tried to tell me well maybe not so long maybe a month or a few weeks. He neither prescribed anything, nor did he encourage taking any iron supplement but did suggest I take a good B complex. He told me I needed to remember that chemo poisoned my body and now my body has to try and flush it out and heal the damage.
“Dear God, did he actually say that??!!! Did a doctor actually admit to my being poisoned??!!”
I left his office and went straight to our natural health food store and picked up a good B Complex and another item which contains iron and supporting vitamins and minerals. I started taking them as soon as I arrived back home.
It has taken a while. In fact, all I can say is that yesterday was the first day, I don’t have that extreme weak feeling, however I do still get out of breath when I do things, and I do still get lightheaded at times when I stand and start walking across the room. This is only a small step towards recovery but at least it is an improvement.
I’m supposed to have two doctor’s appointments this week, one with the radiologist tomorrow and one with my oncologist on Friday, but I’ve called and asked them to be rescheduled. Now that I have experienced such a small improvement, I don’t want to set myself back by pushing myself too hard. Going to those appointments would be pushing myself and possibly using of valuable energies I need for healing. In my opinion, these appointments can wait a couple of weeks. After all, my oncologist didn’t see the need for any blood work when I was in even worse condition on the 5th, and if she really needs me to do any blood work before I can come in to see her, then she’ll have to ask me to go to the hospital lab here in town to get it done. Otherwise, it will just have to wait.
On top of this, my daughter has been sick for the past two weeks. First it was something she ate which the date had expired and we didn’t catch it. Then it was the stomach flu, and now it is a cold with a slight fever. I feel bad because I don’t have the energy to take care of her like I’ve done in the past.
I remember how people told me when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer and my fear of not being able to take care of my daughter, they would tell me to focus on myself, to not worry about my daughter and take care of myself. Well, here I am now, hardly able to take care of myself and not able to take care of my daughter and no one around to help. I wonder how many of you have the guts to tell me to not worry about my child now and to focus on myself. Would any of you be able to step away from your child and not be concerned about their welfare if you were in my shoes? Whenever people told me that when I first brought it up, my immediate response in my mind was, “they DO NOT understand”. They all have husbands, or wives, or other loved ones who would come in and take them in and help care for them. People have a hard time putting themselves in another person’s shoes and understanding their situation. As much as I know the advice, suggestions or whatever was meant to be helpful and encouraging, at the time it wasn’t because my point of view is so different from those giving the suggestions. When I mentioned my fear, it was and is because I’m realistic. I have always been honest with myself about my life. I have very few friends. I’ve always been that way. My family lives thousands of miles away but even when I lived within a hundred miles of them I saw them rarely, not by my choice. So here I am, trying to take care of my daughter when we are both sick, and I can barely take care of myself. I have an uncanny ability at being able to see all the different possibilities, and this was one of my greatest fears. To know that it is happening, and that we are coming out of this, isn’t just to know we will be stronger. It is to know without a doubt, I was right in the beginning. This path was not for me. There is a better path. One that is more life affirming. One that is more health conscious. One that is more spiritually attuned to the way my daughter and I need to live.