I shook my head. I had to stop this day dreaming. I was becoming obsessed. I practically took up the whole morning day dreaming about my boss. My erotic thoughts had gotten out of control. Oh god, I really am going to be late. The deadline for the data my boss asked for was approaching quickly and I had a feeling I wasn’t going to make it.
I jerked in surprise when Steve poked his head around the corner of my cubicle and his deep voice rumbled so sensually in my ear. “Hey, Kate. Do you have that report ready yet?”
“Ummm… almost. I’m putting the finishing touches on it now.” Images from my day dream kept lingering in my thoughts as I looked at him. I shifted in my seat at the sudden throbbing between my thighs.
“Bring it into my office when you are done. I need to go over it with you before we meet with the client.”
I swallowed, “We?” Did he mean me? or was he referring to someone else?
“Yes, Kate. I want you there with me. I think it is time you start attending the meetings with the client and presenting your data. You do a fantastic job of collecting it. There isn’t any reason why you also shouldn’t present it.”
Oh god. I swallow again. I could feel the color drain from my face. I was so consumed by fear, I jumped in surprise when Steve’s hand touched me lightly on my shoulder.
“Hey, you okay? You suddenly turned white as a sheet.” His deep voice was soothing and his hand though it rested lightly on my shoulder was reassuring.
I cleared my throat trying to loosen the constriction I felt there and my words squeaked out, “I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine. What’s wrong?”
“I’m just nervous about speaking in front of the client. I’ve never done it before.”
“You’ll do fine. I have all the confidence in the world in you. We’ll go over it first together so you can practice with me, get your feet wet, so to speak.” He patted my shoulder encouragingly, then started walking away. “Bring the report to my office as soon as you are done with it.”
“Okay.” I replied with more confidence than I felt inside. I moaned inwardly. I knew my fear of speaking in front of people was irrational. I was certain I would fall flat on my face before I even got two words out. My mind started thinking up ways to avoid the meeting. Could I be so late with the report we would have to postpone the meeting? That wouldn’t be good. It would make my boss look bad and also the company. Maybe I could call off sick, leave early due to not feeling well after I go over the numbers with Steve. After all he did comment on how I didn’t look well. But would he buy it after my stupid confession? Why hadn’t I thought of using his observation as an excuse instead of confessing the truth?
I just couldn’t do anything to make my boss look bad, so I rushed to put the final touches on the report. By the time I finished I was indeed a bit late. I hoped we still had time to go over it before the client arrived. If he really did want me to present it, I needed his help. I printed off a hard copy after filing a copy on the company server where we stored all our important client documents so all those who needed to within the company could access the data. If the client after reviewing the data decided to go forward with the project then almost every person in our office would need to have access to the data in order to help our client achieve their goals.
Steve’s office was only a couple cubicles away from my tiny cubicle. On the short walk to his office, I couldn’t stop thinking about the fantasy I had dreamed up while at my desk this morning. I wish I really was that adventurous woman I always made up in my fantasies. The only time I had ever dared to come to work without panties on, I had stuffed a pair into my purse just in case I chickened out and sure enough, it wasn’t but a few minutes after I arrived at work before I was rushing off to the bathroom to put them on.
After that I decided to be daring in small steps. I first bought a pair of satin underwear and bra. That simple change made me feel sexy underneath the plain white tailored blouse and navy a-line skirt which hung down to my knees. My attire was always simple and usually involved the same thing every day, a white tailored blouse with a straight a-line skirt, either black or navy blue, while underneath I became more daring, eventually buying a thong pair of panties and a lacy bra which barely hid my nipples. One time I even tried one of those bras which lifted the breasts from beneath while allowing the nipples to be unobstructed. Feeling my blouse rubbing against my nipples all day was a sensation I had not expected. I didn’t wear the thong or that bra very often but occasionally when I felt a bit daring I would. Mostly I was just ‘plain Kate’ as I heard a woman use in reference to me when they had no idea I was ensconced in a stall behind them in the restroom.
This was the extent of my daring nature. At work I was all business, I rarely mentioned anything personal. Occasionally, when a new male employee was hired on staff, he would invariably try to get me to chat with him. I would gently change the subject back to work while not giving him any personal information. My desk was the same, no personal items, all business.
A couple years ago, one of the men who had been working in the office for several years, had started paying particular attention to me, even at one point asking me out for which I had refused. I don’t give explanations, I just succinctly say no and go on with work. Shortly after telling him no while I was retrieving a document from the printer, I over heard him and two other men talking.
“I told you she would never go out with you.” one of them said.
“I know. But you know me, I enjoy a challenge. I just had to try.”
“I bet she doesn’t date anyone.” one of them said.
“She definitely won’t date anyone in the office, in fact she won’t answer any personal questions at all.” said another.
“I know that is what made it a challenge. It isn’t even like I’m interested. I just wanted to see if she would say yes.”
“I bet she is frigid. Either that or she only likes women.”
“That would answer a lot. But it would be a damn shame. I bet she would be really sexy if she wore something other than those drab outfits she wears.”
I couldn’t listen to any more, plus I didn’t want to get caught eaves dropping so I gathered up the report and returned to my cubicle.
What they had said hadn’t hurt me but it did make me think, especially when I added in what I had heard the women say. Was this how I wanted my co-workers to view me? Or did I want something else entirely? I wanted to be professional, but had I taken it too far? I had kept myself at a distance because I knew office romances could ruin a career. I had seen a couple of them in the office and inevitably when the breakups occurred it was difficult for everyone and eventually one of them would leave after finding another job. We had lost one or two really good employees because of it too. I loved my job and I didn’t want anything like that to happen.
It, however, did not stop me from fantasizing. And this morning’s fantasy had been a doozy. If my boss ever knew I thought of him in that way, I have a feeling I wouldn’t be working here for long. So I kept it to myself, and as I walked the few steps to his office, I felt myself blush remembering my fantasy of leaning over to pick up his talisman. He did carry that talisman everywhere with him and seeing him rub it between his fingers as he was now as he strolled down the isle towards his office lost in thought, not even seeing me until he was only a few feet away, sent a hot rush through my body. If he only knew what part that talisman had played in my fantasy.
“Oh, hey, Kate. Got that report?”
He opened his door and stepped to the side, motioning me to go on into his office. I stepped in and he followed me, closing the door behind us.
Talking alone with my boss was easy. Being with him behind closed doors was no problem. I had worked for him for years and there was never anything inappropriate between us. He always conducted himself in a professional manner as did I. For some reason though today was different. I don’t know if it was that damn fantasy I had allowed myself to conjure that morning or something else, but there appeared to be a subtle change between us. Or it was my imagination conjuring things which were not really there.
As I presented the data to Steve, I felt his eyes on me. Was he looking at me differently? If so, why? Why would today be any different than any other day we worked together? I mentally shook my head and chalked it up to my imagination.
He had asked me to pretend he was the client and I was presenting the data to him. In my nervousness, I paced and sometimes walked around him causing him to swivel in his desk chair to follow me. Researching data was a passion of mine, gathering facts and figures useful to our clients was a job I thoroughly enjoyed. At some point in my presentation I forgot about being nervous and my gestures became relaxed and I allowed myself to become lost within the data.
I didn’t see, nor did I comprehend the impact this had on Steve. At the end of my presentation, before I could even take a breath, he ushered me out of his office and into the conference room next door. Time had passed far rapidly than I had thought. The three gentlemen representing out client were already seated and apparently had been waiting. I looked at the clock and realized we were almost fifteen minutes late. Apparently, Steve’s assistant had ensured the three men were well taken care of. They all had coffee and a plate containing pastries was on the table along with copies of the report. Each man was sipping their coffee, and flipping through their individual copies of the report.
“Gentlemen, I’m so sorry you were kept waiting. My sincere apologies. I believe you know Kate. She is the one who gathered all the data. I have asked her to present the data to you today, if that is all right with you.” Steve looked at each of the gentlemen in turn and each nodded their head in agreement.
I barely had time to catch a breath from the time Steve had ushered me out of his office and into the conference room. Still energized from my presentation with him, there was no time for my nervousness to develop before I was thrust back into presenting the data again, only this time in front of three men I barely knew.
Oh, I did know their names, so Steve didn’t have to introduce us. I am always introduced to the clients so they will know who collected the data because most times they will need to contact me to clarify some of the data. The three men were well known in our company for they represented one of our more valued customers who relies on us frequently.
It took me no time at all to launch myself back into presenting the data. And for the second time I felt Steve’s eyes following. This time it was harder to chalk it up to my imagination because it wasn’t just his eyes but those of the three men as well. Concentrating so completely on the data, I noted their reactions on a subliminal level. At some point during my presentation I was confounded by the look on Steve’s face.
I took in the appreciative looks of the three men as a reflection on their appreciation of the data and the depths I had gone to in retrieving valuable facts and information they could use. Steve’s response was something altogether confusing for I could only interpret the look on his face as one of proprietary ownership but his eyes followed me and were not focused on the data which was being displayed on the large monitor.
I pushed my confusion aside and focused on the materials at hand. I had no idea how I appeared to the four men in the room. I was unaware of the passion reflected in my face or how it manifested itself within my movements or in the sound of my voice. I felt oddly empowered but held myself in a sort of mental reserve, not allowing myself to acknowledge my intense arousal or even the possibility of it emanating from me during the hour it took me to present the data.
I refused to acknowledge the intense throbbing between my thighs or the wetness which seeped around my thong. Ignoring the heated looks of the three men, I focused on the data and pretended I didn’t see the proprietary look upon my boss’s face. I could not consider even for a moment that there was anything other than professionalism in their attention and in the questions following my presentation.
I was often drawn back to standing before the monitor, pointing towards particular figures to confirm the direction of their questions. Never seeing the looks of admiration when I lifted my arm causing the material to mold around and lift my breast enticingly, or to cause me to turn as their eyes lowered to sweep across the curve of my bottom which the soft material of my skirt held entrapped.
After an hour of questions finally ended upon the completion of my presentation, and the three gentlemen were ushered from the conference room, I collapsed into a chair relieving my shaky legs of their burden. A broad smile spread across Steve’s face when he returned from walking the gentlemen to the elevator.
“Well done, Kate!” He exclaimed as he patted me softly upon my back. “I had no doubt you would do well. In fact, you just helped solidify a decision I have been trying to make. You have done so well, I’ve decided you will present the data from now on to our clients.”
I inwardly cringed at his declaration. “Thank you.” was all I could say. Inside, I was trembling. All I wanted to do was go climb into a hole. My body was crashing. My brain was melting. All I could think was I needed to get out of there and so I stood on shaky legs walking stiffly across the conference room.
“Kate.” Steve called to me before I reached the door.
I turned to look at him, “Yes?” He was looking at me like I have never seen him look at me before. He seemed to be searching or looking for something.
My trembling was getting worse. I had to get out of there. I started backing towards the door as Steve started approaching me. There was something in his eyes I could not quite decipher.
“What?” I asked. I wondered if he could see me shaking. I couldn’t stop it. I didn’t understand it. I never understood it whenever it would happen. I was sure it was just stress and how my body responded to it. And I knew I could never do another presentation again.
“Are you all right?” He asked as he reached out towards me.
I kept backing up, staying just outside of his reach. I was sure the door was only inches away and once I was out the door I would be free. I could escape. “No. I’m not all right.” I started shaking my head from side to side. “I can’t do this, Steve. I can’t. I can’t do this again.” I was so close to the door. I knew just one more step and I’d be out. I’d be able to escape.
“It’s okay, Kate.” he was still reaching for me.
I took another step slamming up against the edge of the door. Steve moved swiftly between me and the open doorway while his hand finally connected with my wrist wrapping gently around it encasing it in his strong grip.
He was touching me. His thumb was tracing light circles over the pulse point of my wrist. And I couldn’t breathe. My heart was pounding in my chest, and I couldn’t breathe.
“Breathe, Kate. Come on, breathe, or you are going to pass out.”
I was already feeling that strange restless feeling I would get before passing out. The feeling that my brain just wanted to climb outside of my skull and fly away as the darkness started to encroach into my peripheral vision.
I turned to run trying to pull away from Steve but by this time I was feeling as weak as a kitten and he held me firm, as he came closer. Before the blackness took over completely, I felt his arm slide around my waist. I knew I was going mad when I thought how wonderful, at least I would experience being in his arms at least once before I died.