As I have mentioned in a previous post, I love writing. I write both fantasy/erotica and about my real life. That which is true life, I tag under ‘journal’. I keep my work anonymous to protect my family. They know of some of my past but not all of it even though they were present during some of it and they know nothing of my erotic writings.
For my fantasy/erotic work I find inspiration in many ways. Sometimes it does come from my real life and then I morph it and grow it beyond those experiences. Other times it comes from observation, reading other people’s work, or just sitting down and imagining how I would feel in such a situation. My work of fiction is just that. It is intangible. It may challenge your thinking. It may awaken some emotions or arousal. It may hit some raw nerves which you didn’t realize were exposed. Sometimes, like other people’s fictional/erotic writing it may seem to be a personal message meant only for you/me, when in fact it is just a conjuring of my mind, a complete fantasy meant only to be fantasy.
I choose mostly to write now from the first person character’s point of view. It enables me to get deep within the character, to feel her emotions, to wear her skin, her mind and her soul so completely at times it might feel as though she is really me. This enables me to experience things I have never experienced before in my life. They are however, fantasy, they are not real, they are imaginary and once the story is over I find myself back in my own body, my own mind, my own soul, with my own emotions. Sometimes, many times, once I emerge from my writing, I am surprised not only in the direction of the story but also in the emotions which arose during its writing.
I love this aspect about writing. Finding a muse which enables me to become my characters can be at times problematic. I have realized my muse comes in many forms and not in any singular person, place or thing. Sometimes that which antagonizes my character is you the audience, but don’t take it personal, unless of course you want to, then by all means use my character, my story, to further your own writing, your own explorations. It is what I do when I am moved deeply by your writings.
And yes, sometimes I learn more about myself in ways I never thought possible in both reading and writing. However, I never presume to know another writer through his/her work. I know from my own work it is too easy to misunderstand the intent of a writer from the characters created. Writers can be even more mysterious than the stories and characters they created. In this I become fascinated.