Life

I find myself amazed, at times, at the things I can do. Moving is no simple matter. Juggling and scheduling everything which needs to be done is a skill all in itself. When taking typing class in high school, my teacher encouraged me to pursue a career as a secretary or as they are better known as today administrative assistants. I never considered those positions beneath me, I just knew if I were to pursue anything in that field it would be more as an executive assistant. However, I never pursued any of them.

As most of you have probably also seen, those articles and humorous stories about housewives. Either they tell stories of people not believing housewives work or have any skills or they list all the skills a mother and a housewife utilize in order to fulfill their function.

A single mother, not only contains all of these skills but also what is required to hold down a full time job or multiple jobs in order to support herself and her children.

Moving has placed an accent upon these skills. This is the fourth move I have made since having my daughter. In all the moves I have accomplished in my lifetime, the easiest was when I left home for the first time as an adult to live on my own, because that move consisted of me just taking a small suitcase with minimal clothing. It however, was no less stressful, and may have been the most stressful of all my moves because it was the first time I was out on my own. Not only that, but I was also flying half way across the US and entering into a world I had never before seen.

That first step put me on the path I am on today. I am a far cry from that day. I have gained more wisdom, confidence, realized my potential and utilized my intelligence. Had multiple heartaches and thrills. If I have counted correctly, I have moved a total of 14 times in my lifetime of 55 years. That is approximately 1 move in every 4 years, and I thought that was counting my childhood. Except I just realized I had two moves during my childhood I did not count, so in total I have moved 16 times in 55 years.

I never really considered myself to be a wondering soul, however, in light of these numbers I have to admit that maybe I am. There are probably others who have moved more times than I have and probably for similar reasons. Out of all my moves, I only moved once because of work which was the first time when I entered the workforce. I entered the US Air Force, after my discharge, I then moved to where I wanted to live and then looked for work. All moves except for the 2 during childhood and the three which were during my time in the Air Force were all moves I chose to make for personal reasons.

I can’t say all of them were smart choices but I can say they have taken me to places where I never thought I would end up. I’m not sorry for any of them. I am especially glad for this last move. My daughter has told me every day since moving here how much she likes it here. I do too.

You know when you have lived somewhere for so long, taking the roads to the places you want to go becomes automatic? Then when you move and you have to change those routes, how you can find yourself sometimes automatically taking that road you always used to take when you lived at the other place? I wondered how many times I would do that after moving into our new home. I expected to at least catch myself making the wrong turn, going down the wrong street that were streets to our old place. However, I have not done it, not a single time. This is how I know this place was the right one for us. I haven’t had to force any changes. They have come as natural as the growth of hair on my head. It maybe curly now but it is still natural. I didn’t have to force it to change and I haven’t had to force any of the changes we have made since moving in here. Even our pets have accepted it without difficulty.

I look back and I see where the path of life has brought me since the day I was born. I am awed by all that has happened in my life. I look forward and I cannot fathom where life will take me. When I was a child and I imagined my future, it came no where near where I am today. Like a lot of people I never thought I would live to be this old or be living where I am now.

The challenge before me now is learning how to care for our home. Before, all I had to do was contact my landlord and things would be repaired either by them or by someone they called in. Now all of this is in my hands. Should I research and find out if there are any handyman type classes in which I can learn how to do minor repairs? Or should I research and find someone who does it for a living? I guess the first question is whether I can afford the second option. I know I could do some of the things and maybe my daughter would also enjoy learning how to do them as well.

These are things I’ll be answering in time. Right now we are enjoying our home, researching ways to organize it and make it efficient for our needs. I think my daughter could live in a pile of her things surrounding her and not care whether it was organized or just in a haphazard pile of unorganized toys and things. I think I was that way as a child as well. Now I’m learning the frustrations my own mother and father had when I left my room so disorganized.

Yes, I know, they say our childhood will come back to haunt us and we will find ourselves in our parents shoes. This may be true. The one thing I do know, I wasn’t taught how to organize. I was just told to do it. I have come to understand this is a learned skill. It isn’t something we are born with. I still struggle with it. I, however, plan on sitting down with my daughter and helping her learn along with me because with just the little I have been doing here in my new home, I can feel the pleasure it gives me when I can put things away in a place I created and built specifically for it. To do it, again and again, each time I use something and put it back and not have it get lost in a chaotic pile has an almost weird sexual pleasure.

It is so weird to look around me and get frustrated because I don’t have what I need to do this with everything I have so I can feel this over and over again with everything I use and do.

I just noticed when I went to my bedroom a bit ago that I hadn’t made my bed. This is the first morning I didn’t do that after waking up in our new home. In the old place, I rarely made it and found it difficult to remember to do every morning. This morning I forgot because I was in a rush to get to my appointment at 8:30am and I’ve been on the go ever since. I could forgive myself because the feeling I had when I realized I had not made my bed wasn’t disappointment. It was a realization that making it gave me pleasure each morning and I knew tomorrow I wouldn’t have to think about it. I would just do it because I want to feel that pleasure.

I know one day I will find I have made great strides towards organizing all the things I have still packed away in boxes in my garage. I look forward to finding those things which will provide the functionality I need to make that happen. I can see it all eventually coming together. Hopefully, my daughter will join me in the effort. I think she will if she ever experiences the pleasure I have spoken of.

Again, I wonder where life will take me or even us from here. I don’t worry about it so much as I did before. I’m taking things one step or stride at a time. It is the only way to travel down any path we find ourselves on. I’m not so worried about what is at the end. I’m not seeking to jump ahead and try and make it what I think it should be. Like tonight, when our dog wanted to go outside. Instead of taking him into our backyard, I took him out front and I let him choose the path. Most nights he is restless and demanding to go out again and again. Tonight, he rests peacefully on the sofa beside me. He is content. He got to explore, sniff out the neighborhood, get a sense of who has been around and who hasn’t. All he wanted to do was experience life. Maybe that is why he was brought to us, to teach us to also experience life.

 

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About Kate Spyder

I'm a creative individual finding her way in her writing. I enjoy expressing my deep thoughts through poetry and stories. I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoy writing them.
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