This thought came to me this morning when I was writing in my personal journal. There are things I love to do and there are things I hate to do. I think we all have them.
For me, house cleaning is something I hate to do. Why? Well, it stems from a childhood of chores which I was never praised for in the attempts I would make to do them to the satisfaction of my father. We all had our different chores to do. With three brothers and me the only girl, our chores were split up. I had the living room to clean and no matter how hard I tried, I could never do it to the point I would receive praise. It was always, “you missed this”, or “you didn’t do that”. Consequently, as an adult, I put it off as long as I could and always felt anyone who entered my home was judging my housekeeping skills and would find them lacking. This was reinforced even more when I moved out of the suite I had rented the past five years and even though I hired a cleaning service, the place wasn’t clean enough for my landlord. I hold resentment inside due to this which I know I need to let go of.
I don’t know what has caused a switch to be thrown within me, but ever since I bought this house, things have changed. I make my bed in the mornings which I rarely if ever did prior to this (another of those childhood situations). Dishes rarely end up sitting on the counter or in the sink though at times they do but not for long, they never reach the depths they did before moving here. Maybe it is because I want to show pride in my ownership or maybe something else has happened which I don’t quite understand right now.
Everywhere I look in my new home, I’m trying to find creative ways in which to organize it so I can be proud of our home whenever we have visitors. I look at places that seem to automatically become cluttered and try to figure out ways to make it neat and organized and attractive.
There are other things I look at like how I enjoy having my mobile office but how do I do it so it is not only efficient but attractive? I’m working on this. I know I will come up with something.
In the meantime, I finished the socks I was knitting for my daughter and the larger knitted knocker for myself. Now, I’m considering what project I want to do next. With this thought there are several options I have waiting in my yarn stash. All I need to do is look through them and decide which one is next.
However, while considering the changes which seem to have come naturally to me after moving into our new house, some of these being things I once avoided as much as possible and are now lovingly being done every day, I wonder what other changes I could make.
There are two things which are niggling at me in the back of my mind.
- I love quilts just never had the money to buy one that had been handmade.
- In knitting one of the things I dislike the most is sewing the parts together.
The question which arose this morning is: “Can I make this something I love doing?”
Last night I decided to read on hand sewing a quilt. I found some very basic instructions, some of which I would need to break down into a little more basic instruction but it seems simple. A small quilt project might help me to practice my hand sewing. If I can learn to do small neat stitches, then maybe I could learn to turn a hate into a love affair. Then I would find enjoyment not only in finishing my knitted and crochet projects but I could finally have that quilt I always wanted.
The question is: “Is this something I really want to do?”
I don’t like hating, no matter what it is, whether it is a chore I need to do or a person who seems to act inappropriately. I want love in my life. I once tackled drawing a star which I hated doing because I never seemed to be able to make it come out the way I wanted it to and most times it came out so screwed up it looked like it had been thrown into a vortex. I worked at it and worked at it, becoming frustrated until finally I hit upon a method which worked for me. I created this piece of work using that method to create the star within the center of it. This has become a piece I love all because I worked hard on making something I hated into something I love.
Will this method work with these other things I hate to do? I hope so. I think it will. I’m a perfectionist which makes it difficult for other people in my life to be around me and I know this but it also makes it difficult for me to find joy in my life. Some people tell me I should learn to accept the flaws, the imperfections and so on. It is hard for them to understand how I can still love and accept the flaws and imperfections and yet still find it difficult to enjoy certain things in my life. It doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to be something I can enjoy. This place is teaching me that. It has its flaws but all around those flaws I can find beauty and joy, I just have to work at finding ways to make it so.
I am doing the same in my artwork. The other night I decided when I want to draw, and I don’t know what it is I want to draw or I find myself hesitating in picking up my pen or pencil, then I’ll just start at the top of the list of tangles and draw them one after the other in order. If I find one difficult to do then I would do it again and again until I found a way to make it what I wanted. An interesting thing happened, on the second one I started improvising. I altered the pattern and started adding color, experimenting as I went along. This gave me even more ideas. Eventually, I know these ideas will grow until I come up with an idea for a piece of art I would be proud to display in my own home. I have no doubt the piece will end up comprised of a culmination of the things I first hated but now love.
This is how I plan to turn hate into a love affair in all areas of my life…